The Mets Archenemies for the Second Half

Tonight we prepare for battle. Sure the All Star game was mildly entertaining and we all know that we needed a couple days off. But now it's time to gird our armor and charge into the second half of the season.

As any great general will tell you, you're only as good as your best intelligence. So it's time to look at what we're up against. Who are the great archenemies of the Mets in the second half?

1. Arthritis - Don't tell me you didn't see this coming. Alou, El Duque, Glavine. The training staff needs to head to Costco to get some Aspercreme and Ben-Gay to prepare us for the home stretch.

2. Left Field - That cursed of all positions. Someone needs to challenge the hex that is left field. Can we at least get a left fielder who can get 100 at bats before they get injured. My hope is Milledge fills in nicely, but Alou returns for a September run (maybe more of a trot).

3. Scott Schoenweiss - I just saw the movie Breach and it reminded me of our boy Scott. Someone working inside our organization to bring us down. Your cover has been blown (get it, blown).

4. Runners In Scoring Position and 2 outs - It's like the Mets get nervous in these situations. Some confidence, men. Please.

5. Larry Jones - As much as we hate him, he hates us more. And nobody kills us like Larry, except for. . .

6. Pat Burrell - Burrell is having an awful year, but I can just see him hitting a 3-run home run in September that kills our momentum. My advice: hit him in the head every time he gets up.

7. Julio Franco - I don't think he's physically capable of pulling the ball anymore. He must have some dirt on Omar Minaya, otherwise he should be gone.

8. Turner Field - It's a house made of Kryptonite. We must overcome the hold that Turner Field has on the Mets if we're going to separate ourselves from the pack in the second half.

9. Beltran's clutch - It's almost an oxymoron, but the Mets need to realize that Beltran is not Mr. Clutch. Therefore we need to compensate for that by scoring runs early & often so Beltran can hit a home run when we're already up by 7.

10. Adam Wainwright - I have a bad feeling the Braves or Phillies will make a move before the trading deadline to get Adam Wainwright. Then they will pitch him for 4 straight days throwing only curve balls.

Let's start the second half off right. Lets go Mets.