Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Second Half Predictions

It's time to gaze into the Mets Lifer crystal ball and share with you predictions of the Mets second half that are guaranteed to come true:
  1. Moises Alou will not play another game for the New York Mets this year.
  2. Luis Castillo will walk with the limp of a three-legged caribou.
  3. Ryan Church will become a spokesperson for Tylenol.
  4. Billy Wagner will blow a save in a game that really does count.
  5. I will hate Tim McCarver more with each passing morning.
  6. The Mets will wear those silly navy blue hats even though they look stupid.
  7. Matt Wise will be asked for ID upon arriving at Shea Stadium.
  8. Omar Minaya will take 15 minutes to answer one simple question before the trading deadline.
  9. Mike Francesa will recommend the Mets trade Jose Reyes for no good reason.
  10. Chris Russo will moronically agree with #9.
  11. Jerry Maneul will drop kick an umpire if the Mets get another blown home run call against them.
  12. Wayne Hagin will be responsible for an accident on the NJ Parkway because a Mets fan fell asleep while listening to his broadcast.
  13. The names, Matt Holliday and Xavier Nady, will be uttered more times than Marlon Anderson and Scott Schoenweis.
  14. People will continue to lie and claim that they will miss Shea Stadium. (Three words: Shea Stadium bathrooms)
  15. Ron Darling will star in yet another Sovereign Bank commercial where the actor playing the employee will not know whether to pronounce it "Sov-rin" or "Sov-ern" bank.

2 comments:

Brad said...

16. Despite being fired, Rick Peterson will continue to coach the Mets' pitchers through telepathy, positive mojo and scented candles.

17. Recession will continue to smother Shea Stadium, with the half-melted Dove Bar reaching an all time high of $6.25.

18. The 4,000 or so remaining Steve Trachsel bobbleheads will be auctioned off for charity, raising $23 for local schools.

19. Forty minutes after reading #18, Steve Trachsel will finally get the joke.

20. Ralph Kiner will wax nostalgic about an imaginary conversation he had with Abe Lincoln, Daryl Boston and the kid who played Schwartz in "A Christmas Story."

(Thanks for yesterday's shout, guys...My baby seems to have made me more interesting :)

dave said...

Love the additions. You know Rick Peterson is working on #16 right now. Seriously, he senses a disturbance in the force.