Thursday, June 14, 2007

The Mets are LOST

Somewhere last week the Mets found their way onto Oceanic flight 815 and have ended up on the island from LOST. Nothing is right. Adversaries seem unsurmountable. The players are disoriented.

Something is not right with the Mets. It's like this team was transplanted back to the lineup from 1992.

The sad part is help is not on the horizon. The Yanks, Twins, & A's await us. So as we journey through this uncertainty that is the Mets season so far, I thought it only fitting that we look at how our cast of characters would translate onto LOST.

David Wright is Jack Shepherd: The only person with anything going for them is David Wright. He's our leader. We need him to guide us. But he's got to get some help from somewhere.

Julio Franco is Hurley: Hurley is the character everyone likes because they feel sorry for him. He's nice to have around, but doesn't really add anything. Sounds a lot like Julio. Instead of a weight problem, Julio has an age problem and it's almost as noticeable as Hurley's waistline. Sorry Hurley/Franco. It's time to go.

Paul Lo Duca is Sawyer: The resident bad boy is willing to stand up for himself and his teammates, but every now and then shows a sensitive side. Like Sawyer, I think Lo Duca needs strangle somebody to get his issues worked out, but I don't see it happening anytime soon.

Carlos Gomez is Jin: Jin is the only non-English speaking person on the island and is constantly lost with what's going on around him. That's pretty much what Gomez looks like at the plate, although I'm confident even Jin could draw a walk before Gomez.

NL East are The Others: That's a no brainer. Every time we think we've got them out of the way, they pop up to show us they're still around.

Alou is Walt: What happened to Walt? Why does he only pop up every once in a while? What's wrong with Alou? Is he can show up one day looking 10 years older?

Willie Randolph is John Locke: Willie is constantly struggling to find out what to do with this lineup just like Locke is constantly struggling to find the meaning of the island. Willie will try anything. He'll even bat Shawn Green 2nd! He'll bring up Ricky Ledee! These are desperate times. Willie needs to go kill a boar with his bare hands or something to get this team motivated.

Take a day off and let's bring our bats with us to the Bronx!

1 comment:

bryan said...

This is brilliant. Absolutely spot on.