Second Half Predictions

It's time to gaze into the Mets Lifer crystal ball and share with you predictions of the Mets second half that are guaranteed to come true:

1. Moises Alou will not play another game for the New York Mets this year.
2. Luis Castillo will walk with the limp of a three-legged caribou.
   
3. Ryan Church will become a spokesperson for Tylenol.
   
4. Billy Wagner will blow a save in a game that really does count.
5. I will hate Tim McCarver more with each passing morning.
6. The Mets will wear those silly navy blue hats even though they look stupid.
7. Matt Wise will be asked for ID upon arriving at Shea Stadium.
8. Omar Minaya will take 15 minutes to answer one simple question before the trading deadline.
9. Mike Francesa will recommend the Mets trade Jose Reyes for no good reason.
10. Chris Russo will moronically agree with #9.
11. Jerry Maneul will drop kick an umpire if the Mets get another blown home run call against them.
12. Wayne Hagin will be responsible for an accident on the NJ Parkway because a Mets fan fell asleep while listening to his broadcast.
13. The names, Matt Holliday and Xavier Nady, will be uttered more times than Marlon Anderson and Scott Schoenweis.
14. People will continue to lie and claim that they will miss Shea Stadium. (Three words: Shea Stadium bathrooms)
15. Ron Darling will star in yet another Sovereign Bank commercial where the actor playing the employee will not know whether to pronounce it "Sov-rin" or "Sov-ern" bank.
    

Matt Wise is Really Joe Glass

Matt Wise is on the DL. . .again. Has this guy even pitched since he came off the DL?

What's his name, Moises Alou? El Duque? Wise is more fragile than Joe Glass from Mike Tyson's Punchout.

So far he's been a fantastic addition to the Mets bullpen just like Julio Franco was a fantastic addition to the Mets bench last year.

In honor of Wise's journey back to the DL, here's a list of things that are more durable than Matt Wise:

1. Elijah Price from Unbreakable (i.e. Samuel Jackson's character)
2. Humpty Dumpty
3. The value of the dollar
4. El Duque
5. The Olsen Twins
6. Michael Jackson's nose
7. Dick Cheney's heart
8. Toys from the dollar store
9. Willie Randolph's managing career
10. Mark Prior
11. Kerry Wood
12. Peter Brady's singing voice
13. Elizabeth Berkley's acting
    
14. Luis Castillo's knees
15. Grant Hill's ankle
16. A jenga tower
17. Lance Armstrong's and Kate Hudson's relationship

I could go on but I'll restrain myself.

Cinderella Got Dumped: Figueroa DFA's

Well Cinderella's ball ended a little closer to Carrie than to the fairytale ending we expected.

Nelson Figueroa, the Mets feel good story of the year, had his dream cut short as he was designated for assignment along with Jorge Sosa (woohoo!).

Wait, who did the Mets call up? Vargas? You mean from Seinfeld? And what's that? He's starting on Wednesday? Didn't we try something like this against the Nationals at the end of September? How'd that work out?

So the Mets reinstated Matt Wise, called up Claudio Vargas and Fernando Tatis. Hopefully Wise can do more than Sosa. As for Vargas and Tatis, I don't expect anything. Tatis was called up as the Mets placed Angel Pagan on the 15-day DL, so Tatis is on borrowed time anyway.

A win will make us forget the debacle of last night, but another loss will send Mets Lifers into a tailspin. These are the Washington Nationals for crying out loud! Possibly the worst hitting team in the majors.

Anyway, Nelson Figueroa, it was fun for a while, and I guess your family is going to have a tough time getting those box seats again any time soon.

Matt Wise Tries Out for the Role of Guillermo Mota

Keith Hernandez had just finished the last consonant in a sentence where he remarked how Matt Wise was leaving his changeup too high in the zone when "I Don't Even Know His First Name" Andino crushed a walk off homer to left field to send the Mets to their first loss of the season.

I was a little surprised to see Willie Randolph turn to Wise in back to back games to start the season. I was thinking he'd bring in Joe Smith to get him some work and burn an inning before relying on a long reliever to get through the extra innings.

The worst part is Wise's stuff looked pretty good. His change up was filthy against the first two batters when he was keeping it low. I have no clue what possessed him to try throwing it up in the zone. Anyone who's ever played a 2K baseball video game knows that a changeup or curveball high in the strike zone is an automatic home run!

I was waiting to hear Willie Randolph say in the postgame inteviews that Matt Wise is "his guy." That would have been the kiss of death for him.

It's only one loss, but with Pedro Martinez getting injured I guess you could say it's actually a number of losses.

Woody Williams phone is now ringing off the hook.