Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Fixing David Wright

Move over Freud, Descartes and Dr. Phil. The doctor is in and I'm ready to put David Wright in treatment.

Sure Mr. Wright had a good showing last night going 2 for 4 with 2 runs scored and an RBI, but don't be fooled into thinking his problems are over. The man is on pace to strike out close to 200 times, and the worst part is he's striking out looking at least once a game.

I honestly don't think it has anything to do with Wright's mechanics. It's mental and he needs to see a shrink.

It's a tough economy so I'm willing to help out David Wright with some free advice. Here's what he needs to do to get back on track:

  1. Dump his girlfriend: I'm not sure about what Wright's romantic life is like, but if there's currently a girl in the picture she needs to go. Woman are like a virus. More dangerous than that swine stuff going around.
  2. Find out what drugs Luis Castillo is taking and ask to borrow some: If Castillo can turn his swing around in just a few short months there's got to be pharmaceuticals in there somewhere. Wright needs to get some.
  3. Watch Major League: Whether it's Jobu, Vaughn, that guy who used to be on L.A. Law, there's so much baseball wisdom in that movie that it's hard to know where to start. Wright should watch it at least twice over the next week. Charlie Sheen's greatest performance ever.
  4. Ditch the sniffing inside his jersey bit before he steps up to bat: I have no idea where he got this from or why he's doing it, but it has to stop. It's obviously not helping, and he can't smell that great all the time. Or can he?
  5. Start taking ballet: Isn't this what all athletes do when they hit a rough patch?
  6. Get a new girlfriend: Change starts at home. Out with the old, in with something new. Women are like a virus. Sometimes you need a different virus to get rid of the old one.
  7. Touch Johan Santana twice a day: The man is pure baseball magic. It can't possibly hurt.
  8. Talk to Beltran's mole: Beltran is on fire. His mole is the size of a small country, and it has to have some impact on Beltran's performance. Like the smoke monster on LOST, talk to the mole to find the secrets to Beltran's success.

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